This particular post is for my doctors (and anyone else that finds it useful). Especially the younger colleagues that are leaving for greener pastures.
I have an Aunt that lives in America. She is a second mother to me and one of the most objective people I know. If I have need for advice on any issue, I call her first because I trust her judgement. She gave me an advice about 10 years ago which I have not forgotten.
I knew if I was ever going to leave Nigeria, I was going to relocate to either America, Australia or UK. Those are the places where I have a good support system. And I know how important a good support system is. I am someone that believes that happiness is the most important thing in life. You may make all the money in this world and still not be happy. So I’m that person that will thrive in Nigeria or abroad as long as I have my family. Happiness comes from there for me.
She said “Shaki, America uses you. You give your all here. I know that you are an ambitious person and you’ll probably marry someone as equally ambitious. However, if you don’t marry a doctor, when you relocate…you’re likely going to be the primary candidate that would get work first and you’ll be the one bringing in the money initially. Make sure you marry a man that is comfortable with that. Then make sure you marry a man that does not feel emasculated when he has to be home with the children initially while you are the one making money. Make sure you marry a man that can be a good parent. The two of you should not be all out there hustling together while you leave your kids totally to strangers, so that you don’t chase all the money, then have cause to cry over your kids later if they turn out badly. Money is important, but you will see that at the end of the day, your peace of mind tomorrow are children that have been brought up well. It is very important to have hands on parents in the formative years of your children. Understanding is important between you and your spouse else you will lose focus chasing all the money but forgetting your tomorrow.”
I never forgot that advice.
So my dear colleagues that are going to japa, or that have japa-ed. If you intend to have a family, you need to be sure you and your spouse are on the same page. It is okay not to want a family, but if you do want and have one….ensure that you do right by your children so that you don’t have regrets tomorrow. Understand that taking care of your children as a man is not emasculation. Be reasonable. If your wife is the one bringing in more money and has gotten a job, take lighter jobs till she can cut her hours after she gets to the top of the ladder. If the husband is the one, let the wife take some time to in raising the kids but don’t forget to get back out there when they are a bit grown. So you don’t have any regrets. I see a lot of young people (myself inclusive) with fire for money, please don’t lose sight of other important things.
Until people learn that marriage is about understanding and they drop their egos, until they learn that it is about giving and learning about each other’s strengths and using it appropriately…we will continue to have some avoidable issues.
Just thought I’d give you a piece of advice. Raising children….is not just about money. A lot of dysfunctional adults are the way they are today because of how they were raised.
