When people show you who they are the first time…believe them

Two stories have made the rounds in the last few days. The gruesome death of the CEO of Gokada and the death of Izu that was falsely accused of rape. Both were events that were not supposed to happen…but they did anyway. The death of two promising young men in unsavory circumstances.

The death of Fahim Saleh reiterated one thing that I have always known. If you think because you are a good person, you will always reap good from where you sow, you are in for a huge surprise. If you think that everyone that you have done a favor will be grateful, you will be shocked beyond words. If you think that everyone is all kind and nice in this world because you are all love and light, then you’re also in for a rude shock.

The final thing that it reiterated again is a saying by Maya Angelou and my father that I’ve always found to be true. “When people show you who they are the first time, believe them”. “You can forgive without frolicking with the person and that someone is contrite or you have granted absolution does not mean they should not pay for the sins they committed”. Fahim may still be alive today, if he had gotten his assistant arrested. My religious doctrine is Islam, so I believe in destiny. I believe that Fahim’s journey was destined to end that way….it was just under unfortunate circumstances.

Do good because of humanity and most especially because of posterity. Most times, it is the people you least expect to, that betray you. Human beings can be such fickle minded and ungrateful people….they are very forgetful. You help them and give them a few days…..they think…”Shioor, what did he do sef? What has he done that nobody has ever done before?” Don’t place people on unnecessary pedestals lest you’ll get your heart shattered when they disappoint you. Be kind, be nice, be empathetic. But when people have shown you what they can be, especially when you trust them, stay far away from them. No second chances for toxic people.


Fahim’s PA was a psychopath of the highest order for him to have done what he did. May the long hands of law deal with him and may he never get absolution for his deeds. Thankfully, he’s in a place where the law is taken seriously.

As for Mr. Izu, that young man whose life was cut short because of the false accusation made against him….I feel so pained on his behalf. The cause of fighting rape will continue to be trivialized when we have despicable beings like the woman that accused him. We need to teach our children more about rejection. That it is a part of life. Generation Z children almost expect everything to be handed to them on a platter of gold.

And for people talking about why he committed suicide, we all have different threshold for our mental tolerance. You could see from the young man’s replies that he was a well brought up young man. We don’t know his background mental stamina, status or capacity. Just picture this scenario.

People that know me well know how much my integrity is important to me. Someone now accuses me of having an affair with one of my colleagues at work that is also married. Perhaps I’m close to that colleague so the story is easy to weave. Somehow it finds it’s way Linda Ikeji’s blog with the caption “Dermatologist in UCH caught in a tryst with her co-worker”.

I can imagine how much that would shatter me. I immediately become an outcast. My husband will definitely not believe, because he knows me in and out but how do I explain that to the world? Everything I stand for is questioned. If I am not strong mentally, I may not be able to clear my name. Picture that in someone without a good social support.

This culture of calling out people on social media has to stop. Or at least make sure you come with solid proof before doing that.

No matter how much you think you are hurt, go through the proper channel. So you don’t create even more trouble for yourself. Please.

As for social media, know that the people that truly love you are not the ones that are saying “I got you” on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook. Only a handful really are your own people. I have been ill for sometime and the people that are truly mine and a few that we have developed a relationship here knew where to find me or even asked after me. So remember that, before you take people too seriously on social media. Before you start trying to conform or live a life that is not yours for people who don’t give a rat’s tail about you.

If a rumor is flying around or they’re trying to entangle you on social media, remember that another news will come up in a short period and you’ll soon be forgotten. Don’t take it too seriously, the minds of people on social media…like shea butter under hot sun. The mob is better ignored. You give them unnecessary power when you respond to them. Remember that before you take anything too seriously.

May the souls of Mr. Fahim and Izu rest in peace. May their families be granted the fortitude to bear the huge losses. May that evil PA and the despicable accuser be paid back a million folds for what they did. Amen, amen and amen.