Lessons from the life and death of an unforgettable father!

They say time flies when you’re having fun. I think time flies whether you’re having fun or not. Whether you’re happy or sad, having the time of your life or not..time will definitely go by.

I almost cannot believe it has been twenty years since Mallam left us. Twenty years without the formidable Mallam Idris Gold! It felt like we were not going to get by…but we did – With Allah’s mercy. Today is a day of reminiscing and reliving the beautiful memories we created with him as a family. It is also a day to share the lessons that his life and death taught me. First, let’s start with the lessons learnt while he was alive; afterall, we live before we die. I am sharing TWENTY important lessons I learnt from his life.

1. Confidence and assertiveness – There was absolutely nobody Mallam could not face to have a conversation with. He often told me, “they are humans like you, never be afraid to speak your mind. Without being rude. Do not cower. Let your yes be yes, and your no be no. Avoid ambivalence.”

2. Kindness- This was something he reiterated often. Kindness to others irrespective of race, religion or tribe. He taught me the importance of surrounding myself with kind people and staying away from those that hurt you intentionally. He often reiterated that kindness did not mean being a walkover. Kindness also did not mean being a Yes person. It meant doing unto others what you would do to yourself. It meant respecting the rights of others while doing what makes you happy.

3. Courage – He taught me about facing my inner fears. Knowing that you can face almost anything if only you get rid of the fear crippling you.

4. Spirituality and Religion – Mallam taught me about Islam and Allah. The deep relationship I have with Allah, is because of him. Showed me how kindness and character was part of religion and spirituality. He showed me the beauty of Islam in the true sense.

5. Generosity – To self and others. He showed me that giving wasn’t just about money but that you can give so many other things even without being wealthy – time, knowledge, a helping hand…

6. Emotional intelligence- What to say, how to say it, who to say it to, when to say it and when to be silent. He taught me my very first lesson in EI when it wasn’t even a buzz phrase.

7. Social Capital – Mallam taught me that the greatest investment you can have, is in people. And how do you build quality social capital? By learning to seperate the wheat from the chaff. By being a dependable person yourself.

8. Contentment- In my short stay in this life…lol..I have never seen anyone as content as that man. He worked so hard but was never interested in the rat race of life. If he got it, he was thankful. If he didn’t, he was still thankful and he moved on quickly. He always put in his best in any venture he set out to do but he used to tell me, “If you don’t get it after putting in your best, it was not meant for you. Try again or believe that something better is coming your way soon.” This applied to exams, jobs, relationships and so on. He was happy with what he had without being covetous of another person’s possessions.

9. Family – Family was so important to Mallam. Even when they hurt him. He showed me the beauty in the cohesiveness of family.

10. Discernment- He taught me how to open my eyes to the signs when people try to disguise. He taught me the concept of, “once bitten, twice shy. Twice bitten is nothing but stupidity.” If they have shown you who they are, best to be cautious and stay away from those that do not wish you well.

11. Good work ethics – He was the king of punctuality, effectiveness and efficiency. They called him the problem solver.

12. Self love – As much as Mallam loved and cared for others, he never ever forgot to put himself on top. He would say, “tinu la fin gbe t’ode.” Loosely translated to mean – How can you fill another person when you’re running on empty? With the little he had, he took good care of himself.

13. Appearance- He would tell me, “irinisi nisenilojo.” – You need to be well dressed so you can be well respected. It doesn’t need to be expensive, it just needs to look decent and good.

14. Happiness from the little things – It took very little to make Mallam happy. He often grabbed his joy from the little things of life most people often overlooked.

15. How to worry less – He would tell me, “If it is not something you can change, why worry incessantly? If it is something you can change, then do something about it. Put your trust in the Almighty.”

16. Reciprocal respect – Irrespective of the social class, Mallam respected people. He would say, “Bi won se bi yin ni won biwon, kadara lo kan yato.” – We were all born the same way, it is just the destinies that are different. Don’t disrespect anyone because of their social status.

17. Humor – There was almost nothing Mallam could not make a joke out of. Even death. Laughter was important to him. He had nicknames for all my close friends and would come during visiting day to teach my classmates mathematics and geography.

18. Dealing with hard times and misfortune- By understanding that life is in seasons and we will all go through highs and lows. To trust in Allah completely when the lows come. And he used to say it wasn’t a question of ‘if’..it was ‘when’. Because the lows of life are inevitable.

19. Integrity- Mallam will say, “Ka soro eni, ko to ka babe.” It is important for a person’s actions and words be congruent with his person. He taught me the importance of keeping promises. I keep my promises and keep to my words – except in extremely unavoidable situations.

20. Death – Mallam used to discuss death like he was talking about the weather. Hardly a week passed by in our house without him giving us a sermon about death. When my mum asked him why, he responded, “so that we do not think we have all the time in the world. Abeke, the most certain thing in life after being born is that man will cease to be no more someday, the timing of which is most uncertain. So, don’t let life weigh you down so much that you begin to worry unnecessarily. Whatever it is, if it doesn’t leave you, you will leave it. It is just to remind us that we don’t have as much time as we think.” And he was right. I can almost say he was clairvoyant because he had often talked about the day he was going to die and it happened almost like that.

On a stormy Thursday evening 20 years ago (21st February 2002), our world as we knew it changed completely when those armed robbers shot at the dark blue ‘V Boot’ Mercedes Benz with plate no AJ 600 LRN. The bullet that changed our lives forever cutting his life short at barely 42 years. He died in the arms of his beloved wife and his only son. A formidable man in his prime! I have not seen that car in over 19 years, yet I can never forget the plate no of the last car my dad drove which he bought about a week before he died.

The most important lessons his death taught me? That we don’t have as much time as we think. That nobody is promised tomorrow and we should not stress too much on those little things.  That we should make the most time with our loved ones, forgive more and procrastinate less. The regrets most people  have later in life, often comes from the relationships that they could have handled better.

Whew!! Twenty years on. A husband, father, son, brother and friend whose memories  remain evergreen in our minds. May Allah SWT widen your grave, forgive your shortcomings and grant you Aljanah firdaus.

The pain of losing a loved one never goes away. You just learn to live with it.  We miss you so much and there can never be another like you. In all, we are grateful at how far we have come.  Even though I lost my dad at such a young age, I am grateful that the universe gave me the gift of such an awesome man as my father and not any other person. You cannot choose your family, but I daresay I won the lottery with mine. I hit the jackpot with my family. Of all the gifts that life gave me, my loving family is the first that I’m grateful for every single day.

Mallam Idris Olayinka Arikewuyo Gboro Gold!!!! A man and more❤❤

Watch the video on YouTube here…

https://youtu.be/O6RPl9paAsM