When you bring most of your personal issues especially with your spouse to the court of social media, remember that we have millions of people here and ideas will differ. Too many cooks they say, spoil the broth. It gets to a point where you are so confused and you don’t know which advice to take again. “Leave her, divorce him, Me ke? I can never take that.” Your head now starts turnioniown with all the suggestions. One thing you should realize is that human beings like drama and theatrical display. Most times, your issues are used for people’s comic relief. It is also the digital age…the internet never forgets.
I remember when I was getting married…Most of the advice was centered on “suuru ni won fi n lo ile oko o, be patient o. Don’t discuss your issues with anyone.” I began to roll my eyes at some point because if I could count the no of ‘suuru’ advice I got..it would fill a house.
I understood what they were all emphasizing later on. When you have issues with your spouse (because those issues will come) and you are patient with yourselves….you are more likely to come to a reasonable conclusion with the issues resolved amicably faster. The last part of the advice (of never discussing with anyone) should be taken with caution. In some cases, without discussing those issues with a third party, you might not be able to sort them out. If you get to this point where the two of you are not making a headway, please ensure that you identify someone (may be a professional) that you can discuss with. Most people take their issues to the wrong places. The court of social media, parents, siblings and even some religious leaders may not be ideal and that is why issues may become even more magnified. To identify who to talk to, you must also have a good head on your shoulders so that you can be discerning. That a person is a religious leader does not mean that they’ll give you good advice.
Some relationships get to a point where irreconcilable differences happen. Rather than become toxic to each other (especially when you have children)…please separate amicably. The children bear the brunt of your toxicity the most. Don’t say, “I am staying just because of the kids.” Someone has told me before how it would have been way better for his parents to get a divorce than the toxicity he was exposed to. I daresay that a lot of dysfunctional adults are the way they are today because of what their parents exposed them to. There must have been a time, when you two loved each other or at least wanted to be with each other. Remember each other kindly with those fond memories and try to part amicably.
Lastly, when you’re in a relationship, watch out for those signs. If you are dating someone that doesn’t listen to anyone and feels that their own way is ALWAYS the right way…you may need to have a rethink.
Omodé gbón, àgbà gbón…la fi dá Ile-Ifè.