Are you blunt or just unkind?

I often hear the statement “I’m a blunt person, I take no prisoners”. It makes me laugh when I hear it. Because what a lot of people consider bluntness, is sheer unkindness and insensitivity. As a rule, remember that if what you are going to say is not going to change a thing or help anyone in anyway….practice the habit of keeping it to yourself. You won’t die. Just try it. 1, 2, 3….keep quiet. Swallow again 1, 2, 3….keep quiet.


“Why are you so fat? See your tummy after one kid, oga o…did they forget another one there? You’re 35 and unmarried? Kilode, o r’oko ni? You mean you still don’t have a car at this age? Wawu” “You mean you couldn’t keep your husband? When you’ll be tying wrapper up and down dressing like a village girl. How won’t he leave you? You did not hang from the ceiling for him, that’s why he left.”
Kilode, ta lo bi e l’ejo? Elejo wewe.

If what you are going to say will change things for the better, please say it by all means. But be kind and sensitive with your words. Do as you would be done by please. I find that a lot of those that say they are being blunt, can’t take half of what they dish out.

I had a house officer once. Extremely hardworking and kind. But he had one problem. Body odor. People started whispering in the unit and dispersing when he came around. Normally, I avoid sensitive issues like this. But I knew I could help him as this was my forte and it was just related to his hygiene. My guy could wear the same shirt on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. He also did not like to use body spray and perfume. You know those nonchalant type? Rather than embarrass him, I called him for a tete a tete. I explained to him that I was doing this as I would do for my brother if he was the one. Told him it doesn’t have to be expensive to look good. Buy thrift from Yaba and launder it. Use perfume and body spray. Shave every two weeks. Take care of your hygiene. I am sure he would never forget me. Everything changed about him. Even his swagger and his girlfriend was happy. I was glad I decided to talk to him. We remained good friends after that. This same conversation could have gone South if I didn’t apply some emotional intelligence in that discussion.

Emotional intelligence – The art of knowing what to say, how to say it, where and who to say it to. The art of also knowing when to say absolutely nothing. It is often said that most people appear wise until they open their mouths. Be emotionally intelligent. It will take you far in life.

And as for you blaming your “bluntness” on Zodiac sign talking about “I’m a Capricorn or a Scorpio and we say it as it is”, I just want you to know it is not about the astrology. You’re just ill-mannered and you’re looking for an excuse to blame it on the stars. Stop it and do better.

A caveat to this bluntness are the people I’ve described above that think they can be blunt. Give them a dose of their “bluntness”. When they give you one the first time…swallow it and walk away. When it becomes a recurring decimal, give them a dose of their own medicine. I always find it amusing that they cannot take what they dish out. “You’re still unmarried at 40, when you were busy doing yanga for all the men out there. Do quick and just pick anyone o. You know your eggs are depreciating”. And you know this person is married to someone we call an “animashaun”. That complains day and night about how irresponsible her husband is. The first time the person says that, let it slide. It might have been a slip of tongue. But people like them have the congenital gain in function of the “mafilomindasi” gene. They will come back. When they say that kind of thing again, do NOT let it slide. Else, they know your Achilles heel as they can see how much it bothers you. Just tell them “Better to be alone than to be married to someone that gives me hypertension just because other women are passing by”. O pari.

Watch them with hot tears then. They will not remember again that all’s fair in love and war. That they started it. But one sure thing is sure, they’ll never come back to hurt you with their “bluntness” again. And how do you know that most of them have one deficiency they’re trying to cover or the other with their silly statements? Because people that are truly not deficient in such aspects do not need to continue to hurt other people’s feelings to validate theirs. It is a sign of insecurity.

So lo blunt ni? A jo ma blunt papo. Watch them scurry away in righteous indignation with their tail between their legs like a wet dog.

There are some other association of “mafilomindasi” that will come and tell you to always be the bigger person. They like to feel as if they’re “jekapari e” (an arbitrator). Tell them you’re a small person and that you’re not even angry. That you are only saying the truth like your friend was saying too. Sebi we’re all being truthful. You’ll do yourself a lot of good to stay away from this “blunt person” as they will just get you unnecessarily triggered.

Someone has asked me before if I have a repertoire of ready made answers in my armamentarium.

I told him that I am Mallam Gold’s daughter. Mi o ki n se omo lole lo gbesiwa. O pari.