Should I be watering this relationship?

If you have ever been friends with someone that makes you feel like you’re not enough, then you can relate with what I’m talking about in this post. Having a friend or spouse that you constantly have to dim your light around them to make them feel good is one of the most exhausting type of relationship. I am thankful that I experienced it as it taught me some lessons that has shaped me into the kind of person I am today when it comes to relationships.

I had a good friend once. In retrospect, I think I used to take on challenges of loving people who appeared to need fixing. I remember several people warned me that the friendship would end on a bad note. I felt they were all just being hard on the poor girl so I was determined to make it work. Big mistake.

Most of our issues started when I started to do better than her in our exams. She became irritable with everything I said or did. Everything about me became annoying. I started to feel like I was not enough. I don’t know how to do half measures in whatever I do, including relationships. I’m an all or none kind of person. The squabbles we were having got to me so much that it almost affected my results. Luckily, my aunts came to school to see me and had a long conversation with me that brought me back to my senses (along the lines of “are you alright at all Shaki? We’re going to report you to your mom).

The scales fell off my eyes and I was able to cut off that relationship. That experience taught me some of the most important lessons about relationship generally.

1. If it’s not working, don’t force it anymore.
2. Don’t put your heart on the line for someone that thinks little or nothing of you.
3. Love wholeheartedly, but never forget yourself while loving another person.
4. Place premium value on yourself enough to know when you’re no longer wanted.
5. Never dim your light just because of another person’s lack of self esteem

Friendship is supposed to be a mutually beneficial relationship. That mutual benefit can range from material to non material benefits. Do a regular reevaluation of your relationships to be sure you’re not watering a parasitic one. If you are, give it a much needed break. It is mentally and physically exhausting. I’m a firm believer in the saying “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” Especially if it leaves your mind, soul and body intact. I can never be friends or be in a relationship with anyone who doesn’t treat me right. I place premium value on myself. I don’t stay in a place where I’m not wanted. It also made me discover how much I love my own company. I can never get bored with myself. Ever.

Don’t let people treat you shabbily in their own warped way of loving. As long as you’re a decent person trying to do right, tell yourself you deserve better. Better to be alone than be in such a relationship. Love yourself enough to walk away. Your life will be better off for it.

All pictures from Google images.