Adaptability and flexibility is one of life’s most important survival skills. My dad used to tell me, “Shaki, wherever you are especially at your place of work, don’t disrespect anyone and don’t allow anyone disrespect you. Respect anyone whether they’re younger or older than you. Especially your bosses. Age is nothing but a number. If your boss is young enough to be your child, you must still accord him the respect because he’s your boss. Never disrespect your employer. That means you’re ready to go hungry. The secret to getting respect Ajoke, is to treat anyone the way you’d like to be treated. It doesn’t matter what social status they have or their age. The respect will come right back to you. Respect yourself in EVERYTHING you do. Preserve your integrity by keeping to your words. Let your actions be congruent with your words. Let people see you and think of excellence. Let people be able to vouch for you both in your prescence and absence. “Ka soro eni, ko to ka babe.” (It is more important for one’s actions to be congruent to what has been proclaimed about the person).
I held this advice in my memory cortex (as I have most of his counsel) and it has helped me tremendously over the years. I find it so easy to respect others. Unlike most, I don’t believe respect is by calling someone “aunty or brother”. But if that is what is applicable, by all means, I’ll do it. I remember when I was younger and I had some friends that we met in school. One thing led to another and we realised our families actually knew ourselves. Ilorin connection. Some of them were older than me with an age gap of between 2 to 4 years. I was instructed to start calling them all “aunty”. My mum was furious and she said I shouldn’t since we were friends before realizing our families knew each other. I remember laughing it off and telling her that it doesn’t affect me one bit. So I started to do that. Unfortunately, it created a gap and we drifted apart.
I believe you can call people “aunty or brother” and still disrespect them. Aimoye abi ori yin o pe ni Aunty? Same way you can call someone “chief” and still disrespect them. My brother calls me by my first name and he respects me greatly. A lot of people have tried to change that but they’ve let us be now. God willing, my children will call themselves by their first names too.
If you ever find yourself in a position where someone younger is your boss (even if its someone you know personally), please accord them the respect due to that position. Doctors are relocating on a regular basis to places with greener pastures. Most times, you have to start your career all over again even if you were already at the top of the food chain before you left Nigeria. You get there and people old enough to be your kids are way ahead of you. It may even be one of your former interns. You now decide to disrespect them. My friend, you’re looking for absolute dragging.
I met one of the consultants that trained me in Nigeria last time I was in New York. She started residency all over again when she relocated there. My close friend (who also relocated at the same time she did) in the same hospital told me she’s one of the extremely hardworking residents and even got the best resident at a time. She insisted my friend (who she also trained) should call her by her first name as everyone did there. She blended perfectly and adapted to her environment. This placed her on a pedestal and they accord her so much respect. See? Respect begets respect.
Even as a consultant, she was one of those that treated people kindly and respected herself greatly.
This is why it is also important to treat people kindly irrespective of their level. That you’re ahead today, doesn’t mean it will be like that forever. The world is ever revolving.
If you respect yourself in this life, disrespect will be far from you. When I was in Brazil, my mentor introduced me to some other dermatologists who I was learning from. I was older than all of them. But you need to see me with them. I respected them and was thirsty for the knowledge they had to give me. The respect was reciprocal.
I’m one of the youngest consultants (at least by Nigerian standards) but I can assure you, you’ll think twice before disrespecting me. I’m not found wanting at my work (I even put in extra), I respect others and I mind my business. Pray tell, why disrespect will move close to me? My oldest friend is one of my senior registrars. You won’t know when you see us at work as she treats me with the respect that comes with being her consultant. She reports to me in a timely manner and also does her work (avoiding disrespect). We can leave the work environment and she tells me that my head is not correct..lol. But at work, she’s probably one of those that gives me the most respect. And this is not about “ma”.
I respect myself in every facet of my life. If I borrow money from people (usually my husband, brother or mum)…I ALWAYS return it. As long as I asked them to lend me rather than as a gift. I don’t covet what my salary cannot afford. I’m quite content with what I have and I rock whatever it is with confidence. I buy and pay for goods immediately. If I cannot afford it, I don’t buy it. Except it is one of those goods with a payment plan (and I’m even not comfortable with that). I call before going to people’s houses. When I go visiting, I usually don’t overstay my welcome and I make sure I’m an unforgettable guest…in a positive way. I don’t go visiting people empty handed especially if I’m going to be spending time there. My friend Fadeke said I make others look bad. Lol. It is just the way I was raised.
I can be posh when there is need to be and extremely razz when needed. Mo le je oju anybody. Adaptability is a necessary skill. You also need to be flexible because rigidity makes people avoid you and you often miss favors because of this. As long as whatever you’re being flexible to is not against your core values, then it’s okay.
Be adaptable. Be flexible. Respect yourself. In this ever dynamic world, these are skills that will NEVER go out of fashion.