For doctors/others. By a doctor.
Femi’s interview made me remember something I’ve always wanted to talk about but keeps skipping my mind. He was asked about racism and how he deals with it. He mentioned that he wasn’t bothered by it much and it became less obvious the more he excelled at his job. And this is Australia not America (where racism is seen on a daily basis). This is just to let you know that you will probably experience it; subtly or openly. When you expect it already, it makes you less prone to volatile reactions. I was in America for less than one month last year and I experienced it openly TWICE! In Nigeria, the population is made up of blacks, yet we experience tribalism which is a sibling of racism as far as I’m concerned. This is also to let you know that we may never be able to completely eliminate subjective thinking. I’m not that naive to think one won’t experience one form of discrimination or the other in life.
The Yorubas have an adage “Eni ti o j’oyin nu apata, ko ni wenu aake” (once you’re going on a difficult mission, be ready for obstacles). As you’re relocating, bear it in mind that there may be discrimination and bias. You may have to work twice as hard to achieve recognition. Do it. As you get to the top, they have no choice but to stan you. Keep your eyes on the prize. Don’t get distracted. Have a good support system. Make good friends. Because when the chips are down, you’ll need it. We are Nigerians anyway…and one thing we possess is adaptability. The ‘sufferhead’ in Nigeria is more than enough to prepare you to put in your best to get to the pinnacle.
Lastly, please pay attention to the children when you do start a family. Especially the children that were born there and have never been to Nigeria. The racism gets to them a little more. They feel lost because they have some people around them (that look like them) telling them they’re not part of the society and they should go back to where they belong. There are those that don’t look like them showing them hostility openly. Then you bring them for a visit in Nigeria and they meet some others calling them “oyinbo” and ostracizing them because of their accent. I have noticed that the children that were born here in Nigeria that emigrated seem to take the heat better. Perhaps because they’ve experienced some ‘sufferhead’ in Nigeria first.
It is up to you as the parent to anticipate these things and prepare your children for how to handle it. Don’t be deliberately naive to think that the world is a happy go lucky place and utopia is at our fingertips.
Someone made a comment on my post the other day which I paraphrase, “I’m going to live my life, I can’t kill myself because of the children”. While it is important to live your life to the best of your capacity, never forget your responsibility of nurturing the children. The Prophet (SAW) said, “tie your camel, then ask Allah (SWT) to protect it”. The Christians say, “faith without efforts will amount to nothing”. The silly advice people give that makes them keep breeding like multimammate rats “Olohun lo n womo” should be avoided. Yes, God has the final say, but do your best to nurture the kids that you deliberately brought into this world. Then leave the rest to God.
Personally, one of my greatest fears in life is parenting. Especially in this era of SM. If I am successful in that, I am a fulfilled person. And when people talk about opportunity cost because of kids, I laugh. It is highly unlikely that you will have children and not make some sacrifices one way or the other. Except you want to deceive yourself.
Parenting is a lifelong responsibility. Heck, my mom is still ‘mummying’ me. I often have to remind her that I’m grown with two children of mine. Do not bring children into this world if you are not going to be responsible for them. That is the height of irresponsibility. This applies to both gender. And no, it is not all about money. That is why I keep saying that the most important decision you’ll likely make in your life (if you decide to marry) is your choice of partner. It can make or mar you down to generations.
Whether you leave or stay…..I wish you all the best in your endeavors. And whatever success means to you, as long as you’re not hurting anyone, may it be granted to you.. Amen.
