Our love story…

#ourlovestory
By popular demand😁
Na you ask for am. It is a long one. You know me and my threads.
I come from the city where our parents always like us to marry from our hometown. Ilu to jina sina, to sunmo alijana (The city that is far from hell but close to heaven). My parents and TJ’s parents were no exception. In their defense, they wanted it because when issues come up in marriage, it would be easier to resolve. The first thing most Ilorin parents ask you is “omo ile ibo ni” (which family house is he/she from)…almost like it is inconceivable to marry from outside Ilorin. Things are changing now though. Sometimes, I understand their fears too.

I was a happy go lucky girl that liked to cook for everyone in school. Almost all the guys in my class had eaten in my house. But I ended up ‘friendzoning’ all the people that wanted to date me🤷‍♀️.
Shortly after we finished housejob, I got a call from someone we went to primary school together (a year ahead of me in school) who just called me out of the blues. Let’s call him Mr. A. I have mentioned it here before that I was like a local champion in primary school and I used to get almost all the prizes. I took a bow when I met other legendary people in secondary school and university 😁When he called me, he told me that was why he was calling. Just to be friends with the “brilliant” girl and to reconnect. We started talking everyday. Regular talk.

Someone else introduced me to another person called Mr. B. He wanted to have a relationship with me right from the start. But he didn’t have any of the qualities I wanted in a man. He was the kind of man that was the antithesis of what I wanted in a man. He would have stifled me if I had ended up with him. I know I have a strong personality. So I needed someone that would not be intimidated by my personality. Mr. B was not it.

My best friend Moyeni was getting married shortly after housejob. Unbeknownst to me, Mr. TJ (my hubby) and her were old friends (never dated). Mr. TJ went to see her at home a few days to the wedding and was telling her how he was also on the lookout for someone to love and marry but genotype had been an issue in past relationships. My friend told him and I quote “I have a friend o. She’s a nice person but ko gbadun, I’m not sure if you will get along. I will give you her no. But once I give you, the ball is in your court. I will not even ask about it again”. TJ got my no and started with SMS. “Hi, I’m Tajudeen Olufadi…with some other things I can’t remember”. Very polite and yet playful. He started calling me everyday. Mr. A was still calling but still talking as ‘friends’.
Now you have to understand that TJ is also from the same city with me and interestingly both of us had promised ourselves before meeting each other that we would be rebels and not marry from Ilorin. But I guess God had other plans.

Shortly after, I went to Ilorin for something and TJ had a reason to be in Ilorin. He called and asked where I was. I told him I was about to go to my family house. This guy came to pick me up and took me to my family house. Insisted on coming in which got all my family members curious🙊

He officially asked me out the next day and that was just about two weeks after talking. A relationship was the last thing on my mind and I wanted to explore in the dating game 😁. For where? This guy did not give me a chance to even reject. He also looked like a playboy then which I told him. He didn’t relent. I told him to give me one month to think about it. I don’t like to waste time when taking decisions.

Mr. A was still doing friendship. And I would have considered him if he had said something earlier. He now later talked during the one month I gave TJ to think about it. For where? Omo girl already liked Mr. TJ by then.

By the time he came in one month to my home in Ibadan, this man called TJ was so comfortable in my home that he slept off! He had not even gotten a yes and he was sleeping on our couch in the sitting room🙄. Oloorun ponmo. Anyway, I said Yes and it was the beginning of a beautiful relationship. Long distance (Lagos to Abuja) but great. We always had a gift for each other when we saw. Spoke three or four times a day. We tried to see each other as much as possible. Quick to apologize to each other when we offend ourselves.

I used the 80/20 rule of relationships to make up my mind about him. The rule that says you cannot have 100% of what you want in a partner, but if you get 80%, then it is a good deal. As long as what is left in that 20% is not a deal breaker for you, you can always work on it. He had more than 80% of what I wanted in a man. Kind, responsible, a praying man, a loving man who also loved his own family and had a good relationship with them, similar values, good conversation, then I knew he wouldn’t stifle me, o tun wa hanz😁. Most importantly, he had (still has) an abundance of sense😁. O stubborn sha🙄
I knew that I really liked him but I wasn’t ready for marriage. Mr. A was still asking me out but I didn’t see the possibility of him as more than a friend anymore.

By 6 months, TJ proposed. I actually said “No..don’t do this” when I first saw the box. He first gave me some “lyrics” and took me out to Davis hotel in Ibadan and whipped out the ring😁. After those “lyrics” entered my head, I finally said yes. Hr told me he knew he wanted to marry me right from the first time we met and luckily, my genotype was in his favor. I asked how he knew? He said he just felt it immediately he met me🤷‍♀️.

We got married exactly 2 years after we met and it has been a good journey. One thing I appreciate about him/us is that we always try to be a better version for each other. My love language is acts of service which is one of the love languages that is not as easy for him as the others. But like fine wine, he keeps getting better over the years. He doesn’t stifle me…I do everything I want to do with all his support.
He prays for me as much as I do for him. When I’m writing my exams, he’s even the one that comes to wake me up at times. I encourage him on his professional exams and how he can be better. We use each other’s strengths to improve the relationship. I want to fly and he asks…”how high?”
The advocacy and health education I started to do on Twitter was because of him and my friend adesoji. They both felt Twitter was a better platform than Facebook (where I had been writing and teaching for years) for me and that people will appreciate my kind of teaching better here. They were right

Someone asked a question once about how much you can compromise in your relationship on a scale of 1 to 10. I said 9.5. The remaining 0.5 is just for me because it is necessary to always have your own identity. I said 9.5 because he compromises as much.

And most importantly, our families are like one. I love his family as much as he loves mine. I was a wreck when my MIL died. She would always pray for me, cook, buy me gifts. There was a time she made me a big pot of stew. Perhaps the only thing that wasn’t there was octopus and camel meat😂. We were in Lagos together but my inlaws would say “Please call us when you want to see us. Don’t bother coming to look for us. We know how busy you are. We will come when you want to see us”. When I had my first child, my MIL was the one that said “o ma lo s’odo Funlayo, yoo toju re dada” (Why not go to Funlayo (my mom), she’ll take care of you so well). She knew that I would feel more comfortable staying with mum and I did that for two months before coming home. Sadly, she wasn’t alive to see her second grandchild from us.

And although I still feel like giving him pankere at times (same way I’m sure he feels like giving me too as per Iya Taoo that I am), we have our fights and highs and lows….I know that we both chose well. Alhamdulilah robil alamin.
In friendship and relationships, I don’t know how to do half measures. I’m an all or none kind of person. There is no other way to love for me….but with all my heart. What is love, if not done wholeheartedly and with reckless abandon?

When the issues come in marriage (and they will come) and you start to see another person that looks attractive out there other than your partner, remember that the person outside may just be the 20% that is lacking in your partner which then makes them look attractive. Don’t lose your 80% to acquire 20%. If it happens, own your shortcomings and do NOT blame the devil.

Mr. A is doing well and we catch up at times. Married with two children too😁

Which of the favors of my Lord will I deny? Absolutely none!

I hope yah all happy now?😁
I would never have written this normally but I decided to, so people know that it is not all bad. It has been over 8 years of marriage and I am grateful for all the blessings in it.
One of the most important decisions you have to make in your life is the person you marry/partner with. It can make or mar you. Be deliberate and intentional in your quest for a life partner. In relationships especially marriage, it must be a give and take. You must communicate and listen to yourselves. Drop the ego. When you’re wrong, apologize. Be quick to say thank you even for the little things. I do all the cooking because TJ cannot cook anything 🙄…maybe eba or beans. I also love to cook. He says thank you after each meal. The little things matter a lot. Be kind to one another. Look out for each other. Your children are watching the way you treat yourselves.
Aye yii o le, awa omo adamo la s’aye d’ogun.

On a lighter note, both our parents prayers were answered. Down to our great great grandparents are all from Ilorin….Just by a stroke of luck.


Do share your beautiful #lovestories.

I love to hear love stories!