Choosing your mentor…

A lot of people are often confused about how to choose a mentor. The first thing you need to know about choosing a mentor is that it lies in YOUR hands. How if you may ask? You have to know what exactly you need mentoring in, else you’ll be running around in circles. Are you seeking for a mentor that will help you through navigation with life generally? Are you seeking for a mentor that will help you with growth in your career? Or are you about to go into a business venture and you’re looking out for someone that has made advances in that business field? For doctors, are you thinking of ‘japaing’ or ‘staying put’? (Please don’t be naive enough to think everyone will leave this country. Some will stay and WILL be successful. Some will leave and STILL be unhappy and unsuccessful in their endeavors.) It is what it is.

I have come to realise that some people just pay lip service to having a mentor. At times..others think having a mentor is all about the mentor giving you money. Ultimately, making money might be one of the skills you acquire from having a mentor. But if all you’re thinking is that your mentor will just be loading you with credit alerts just from knowing you….you’re in for a big surprise. Even I am looking for someone to just be ‘alarming’ me with credit alert.

Once you have highlighted what you need mentoring in….the next step is to actually get a mentor. You can get this by formally asking someone in that field of interest to be your mentor. Or you can just follow the person closely and learn from them. You can also get mentoring from reading books that have been written by people in that field that you’re interested in.
Remember that you can have mentors in different areas of your life.

One thing to note….if you have a mentor that is tending towards turning you into a servant of some sort…find a way to extricate yourself from such a mentor without having a major quarrel. Yoruba people have an adage… ‘A ki n tile ejo de, ka tun wa s’ore’ (We don’t come back from court remaining friends). You never know where you might still need that person. Don’t completely burn that bridge. Just extricate yourself in a diplomatic way. The mistake most people make is leaving the relationship in shreds. And some people are really vindictive (if you offend them, they go all out to destroy everything about you). There’s also another Yoruba adage (pardon me….I love my adages) that says ‘ti owo eni o ba ti te eeku ida, a kii beere iku to pa baba eni (If your hand has not touched the hilt of your sword, one does not ask the kind of death that killed one’s father). This roughly translates to ‘timing is important in everything; too hasty in your timing and you end up shooting yourself in the foot.

Having a good mentor that helps you to navigate the path may let your sponsors notice you. Your mentor may also even double as a sponsor. You know those people that speak in your favor at the executive level when it’s most needed? Those people that help to tip the odds in your favor even without you knowing? Those are the sponsors. Blessed is the person that has both great sponsors and mentors.

Remember that your mentor doesn’t have to be older than you..they just have to have more experience in your field of interest. Nigeria is an ageist society…and people tend to respect just those older than them (which is extremely annoying). Respect is meant for everyone…young or old. Please respect your mentors even if they’re younger than you. I don’t mean calling them ‘aunty or broda’ something. And if you have chosen a good mentor too…be sure that they’ll respect you right back.

Any questions, comments or clarifications?

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